Children of Alcoholic Parents: What is the Impact of Alcohol Addiction?

Alcohol use disorder can have a devastating effect on the life of the person with the addiction, but it can be just as damaging to their family, and especially to the children of alcoholic parents.

This article aims to help you understand how living with a parent with alcohol addiction can affect both young and grown-up children.

Parents and Alcohol Dependency

In the UK, nearly half a million children live with a parent affected by alcohol or drug addiction. Studies have shown that children who grow up with a parent struggling with alcoholism are more prone to psychological, emotional and behavioural problems, which start at a young age and, for over a third of individuals, continue into adulthood. 1,2

Alcohol can be used by parents as a way to cope, particularly if they are processing a difficult life event such as a bereavement, unexpected ill health or job loss. Sometimes the parent may struggle with addiction to another drug as well as alcohol. Different substances can cause unpredictable behaviour, and when anticipating a parent’s mood becomes difficult, children are left feeling on edge.

The Home Environment

Parental behaviour has a big influence on children during their early years. Living with parents with alcohol use disorder affects children differently, depending on the circumstances at home.

Maintaining positive relationships with family members is important, and people affected by alcohol dependency tend to find this very difficult. Alcohol use can distort judgement and affect parenting skills. Drinking can sometimes cause a parent to act in a way they later regret, with a parent with alcohol use disorder three times more likely to physically abuse a child. 3

Children whose parents have alcohol use disorder, but who do not feel neglected or required to take on adult responsibilities, report less trauma. However, while parents with functional alcoholism can temporarily sustain a stable lifestyle, this can prove hard to maintain over a longer period.

Children who have another parent without addiction issues have better outcomes, as they can rely on this other parent for support and stability. However, many people with alcohol addiction end up in relationships with other people affected by substance misuse, or in single-parent households, and this can put additional strain on the child.

The Influence of Parents

Children learn how to behave from their parents. If a parent is struggling with alcohol use, some of their actions may not be socially desirable. For example, they may lie to their children about the true extent of their excessive drinking. Regular deception can make a child think that lying is acceptable, especially if they believe they are lying for the right reasons, such as covering up for their parent in front of other adults.

If the adult is short-tempered, aggressive or even violent, this can influence how their children handle situations outside of the home. This may lead to shouting or lashing out inappropriately as they get older, affecting their relationships as adults.

What is the Impact on Children of Living with a Parent with Alcoholism?

Emotional Issues

Living with a parent with alcoholism can put significant emotional strain on a child. They can experience anxiety, low self-esteem, loneliness, guilt, self-blame, depression and co-dependency. These feelings may be mild at first but can become worse over time, causing:

  • Feelings of fear: never knowing when an adult might become aggressive can leave a child feeling constantly on edge.
  • Stigma: children may be embarrassed by their parent’s alcohol misuse.
  • Trust issues: if an adult regularly lies about their drinking, the child may assume all adults lie. This can lead to mistrust of adults, including authority figures such as teachers.
  • Low self-esteem and poor confidence.
  • Co-dependency: traumatised children will often mistake attention for love, leading them to become dependent on their parent.
  • Approval-seeking behaviour: this can lead to involvement in abusive or manipulative relationships in the future.
  • Neuroticism: a tendency to experience negative emotions and have difficulties coping with stress.
  • Conflict avoidance: a child may go to extreme lengths to stop an angry adult from becoming worse, even if that means aiding their addictive behaviour.
  • Guilt and fear of criticism.
  • Difficulty expressing emotions4,5

Health Risks

Living in a chaotic home environment can have negative effects on a child’s health. This may include 6,7:

  • Malnutrition due to a poor diet
  • Disrupted sleep and daytime napping, affecting their ability to concentrate at school
  • Injuries, both accidental and intentional
  • Poor health outcomes, including being more likely to smoke and develop long-term health conditions
  • Mental health problems including substance misuse, ADHD, anxiety, depression and self-harm

Alcohol addiction can also affect unborn children. Heavy drinking during pregnancy can increase the risk of foetal alcohol syndrome. 8

How Does Parental Alcohol Misuse Affect a Child’s Future?

Relationship Issues

Children learn social habits from their parents. If close relationships are dysfunctional, a child observing this may carry it forward into their teenage and adult life. This can cause problems with friends, romantic partners, and others around them, including teachers and healthcare workers.

Relationship issues can show up in different ways. Some children may try to isolate themselves, while others will engage in co-dependent relationships, as the child does not know what healthy relationships look like.

Difficulties Establishing Routine

Having daily routines is important for children. Stability can be as basic as regular meals, attending school, or remembering important events such as birthdays. In families with parental alcohol misuse, it can be difficult to establish this order, leaving children feeling adrift and more prone to falling into damaging behaviours.

Lower Academic Performance

The stress of the family environment often disrupts other aspects of the child’s life, including their ability to succeed in school. Nearly 1 in 5 children who have a parent with alcohol use disorder start to experience poor attainment in school. This often starts in the early years, with the gap widening as they get older. Poor educational performance may be a barrier when looking for work as an adult. 8

Likelihood of Substance Use Disorder

Studies estimate that a child from a household impacted by alcohol misuse is twice as likely to have a drinking problem, with the reasons given suggesting it becomes ‘a way to cope’ with negative emotions they are experiencing. Children with alcoholic parents are also more likely to smoke and misuse drugs, which increases the chances of long-term health problems and the likelihood of substance misuse issues continuing with future generations. 2,7

William’s Story: Growing Up With an Alcoholic Parent

My stepdad had a serious drinking problem. I remember when my mom first married him, everything seemed okay at first, except for a few instances. When we had our first Christmas with the family, that was the first time I saw him drink too much and get obnoxiously angry with me for no reason. I was 7 at the time.

The whole situation was stupid. I was playing with some toy and apparently my cousin wanted to play with it too, but I was too involved and not paying attention, so I had no idea what was going on. Next thing I know is my stepdad comes barging in, yelling like the world was ending, and I swear I thought he was going to hit me. When I tell people this, they think I’m exaggerating or that I don’t remember anything because I was only 7. But the entire family was there and everyone was shocked.

“I was always on my toes”

I don’t remember him going crazy like that again, but he never got rid of his anger issues completely. If anything, over time his anger became more subtle. Like he’d find ways of making me feel bad for no reason. Now that I’m thinking about it, I think his anger was worse when he wasn’t drinking. So I was always relieved when I saw him reach for a glass of wine after work.

A year after he came into my life, I was always on my toes. I was afraid to do something wrong, afraid to make anyone angry, afraid to get in trouble. When I was bullied, I refused to stand up for myself, and that made the bullying worse.

“We never dealt with any problems”

It was similar with my first girlfriend. Whenever we had any disagreements, I would always walk away before we addressed the issue. So we never actually dealt with any problems. As a result, our relationship shattered.

While my dad wasn’t neglectful really, he wasn’t very caring or attentive either. Because of that I learned to be independent and take care of myself quite early. Honestly, I think that’s the one good thing I got from this. Since I’ve moved out, I feel much better and less scared of everything.

Two people talking to a therapist during addiction therapy.

Help and Support for Your Family

Find help and support for your addiction and learn more about how we can support your family.
Contact Us Book An Assessment

It’s Never too Late to Get Help 

Growing up with alcoholic parents can have lasting effects, from guilt and distrust to anxiety and depression. Whether you are the adult child of a parent with alcohol problems, or a parent currently struggling with alcohol addiction, help is available for you. It can take time, but with the right treatment options, recovery is possible.

At CATCH Recovery we offer family therapy, which gives the whole family unit a space to discuss how the alcohol addiction has affected them.

If you are an adult child of a parent with alcohol addiction – or if you are a parent concerned about your own alcohol use and its impact on your family – CATCH Recovery offers therapy and counselling services that can help you.

To learn more about our treatment programmes contact our team here.

Frequently Asked Questions

  • How can I tell if someone has an alcohol problem?

    If the person uses alcohol regularly, for example having multiple drinks every day, they may have an alcohol problem. They may also become moody, forgetful, start making excuses or lie about drinking, be withdrawn, or shout and become aggressive.10

    Acknowledging there is an issue is an important first step in treating alcohol addiction.

  • What happens to the adult children of parents with an alcohol addiction?

    Although there are risks, many people go on to live normal, healthy lives. Depending on the nature of your relationship with your parent, there may be underlying issues that can cause problems if left unresolved, although therapy and support services can help with this.

  • Why do adult children often feel guilty?

    You may feel responsible for your parent’s addiction, especially if they continue drinking as you get older. Feelings of failure or letting people down are common.

    Talking to a professional team can help.

  • My parent has an alcohol addiction. Does this mean I will too?

    Addiction is complex. A history of family members with alcohol problems leads to an increased risk, but there are many other factors that influence the chances of developing an alcohol addiction.11

    If you are worried about your drinking, contact us today. Our team at CATCH Recovery can offer further guidance.